14th
lola is royal.
this is exciting. a year ago i started this blog with some help. i think though maybe my mind was more collected, no more scattered. i thought about more? i was excited about L I V I N G. flowing blood. i cannot watch when i get a needle. i would like to but i cannot. i have bright blue veins! when my laptop heats up my legs it means its time to get off. mom says i have to sleep in the blue and green room. so what, its exciting! and i dont have to work tomorrow morning. i am just hoping sophie wont find out im here. oh! and september swims! and huge family dinner. i won the corn maze. i dont know what ill do tomorrow but i think it will be good. maybe plan my life. in charts. every month or something. what i want for real. pros and cons. calculate some money. maybe divide by my years. i wonder how many years i will live? umm i feel like i should do something. runaway. become a run away. care only about myself. everyones doing it. yeah see myself every five years. or maybe every year. every springtime. and the people in my life, thats so important. its stupid. like i just want them in my life. i was waiting for a ride today and i watched this girl jog down my back alley. it looked exactly like hannah and i pretended it was her. her scent. what she would do when she came over to see me. what she would say. and she was there. right in front of me. then i thought, fuck this shit, i want hannah in my life. and she jogged away with a different body. ill pay you to be in my life? do u think all of us would get along? actually that doesnt matter. you need people who teach you things. its just really smooth. you know? something inside of you is happy. glowy. just watching them is nice. i hate repetition. its whats gonna kill me i swear. i want to see the city around you. thats so nice. you know like two skies? cross country skies? back and forth left and right up and down you know? thats how i like it with people. you grow together learning new things. neither are above or ahead or better. climbing together. actually maybe not. that doesnt sound right. you just gotta teach and learn. just tell people things. dont think. you think therefore you are GAY. just blurt. they want to hear. im going to bed. TO BE REAL. thats my answer. goodnight,
oh ya, happy birthday ah girl (whatever)
